WTF?@#%$!

Everyone thinks what they do is reasonable.

And they don’t think they are being difficult, they think you are.

Next time you find yourself getting frustrated with someone try this empathy exercise.

Think of empathy as a psychological hug. Even if empathy doesn’t come naturally to you (it sure doesn’t to me), it’s quick and easy to get it by asking yourself these two questions:

Question 1: How might this person be feeling? 

Question 2: How can I show kindness?

 I’ll share a personal example:

After my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s he became especially difficult to interact with. As a mensa level engineer, he was controlling, exacting, critical and always right. (I bet you know some people like this.) These behaviors got worse with his diagnosis and added extra stress and strain on our relationship. Making a simple sandwich became an insane power struggle. What seemed logical to him was unreasonable to me. (How many times have you found yourself in a similar situation?)

I was becoming increasingly frustrated and often angry. I was about at my wits-end with what to do. So, on July 6, 2019 I got out a piece of paper and wrote down those two questions. Here are my answers.

How might Dad be feeling?

• Scared of losing his mind and independence

• He’s right!

• In pain

• Lonely

• Sad and unhappy

• Frustrated

• Confused

• Angry

• Worn out

• Uncertain

How can I love him?

• Not argue, question or make suggestions

• LISTEN

• Just sit with him

• Make him comfortable

• Show apprecation and respect

• Be cheerful

It was a game changer for me, and for us.

You cannot change other people, but you can change yourself. Stop wasting precious energy waiting for someone else to change.

Is there someone you work or live with that drives you bananas?  Try this exercise and see what comes up.